Day 5

my back hurts :( I had a long night of fitful sleep. I had way, WAY too much stuff on my mind last night. Teaching job, money for next summer, boy stuff, more boy stuff. After tossing for 2 hours, I finally got out of bed, got on my knees and said a prayer that God please take all of my insecurities away. I will wait for what he has planned for me. If I need to change, then change me. I someone else needs to change, I am willing to wait. I want to stop worrying about it all... Even now though, I find my chest getting tight just thinking about it all.

Yuck.

I'm going for a walk.

on the bright side, I'm down 2 more pounds. and I bought smaller clothes yesterday!!

Day 2

went to my old job today to say hello. saw one of my fav people there and one of the first things she said to me was: "have you lost weight? you look good!"

epic. win.

walked this a.m. then had an epiphany about portion control at lunch. I managed to put a normal-person-sized portion on my plate and was completely satisfied!

loving this new work schedule. able to plan my weeks easily.

meant to grocery shop today for breakfast options... need to do that tomorrow.

Day 1

Well, the weekend wasn't much of a success... time to begin a new week.

I had a moment that I haven't seen the likes of in over a year. Friday afternoon, while planning to go out with some friends later that night, I went shopping for a new top to wear. I found a jacket in a size that I haven't been in in over a year. It. Fit. I haven't gone out feeling like I look that nice in a L.O.N.G. time. I looked damn good, in fact.

Still debating on the new work schedule. I've found that I am not walking on work days. I want to focus on me for a while. I have to. Since I have such freedom in my schedule, I think I'll experiment with it over the next week of two and see how the walking schedule goes...

In other news, I think that I've gotten my body to the point where I can no longer tolerate nasty, yummy food. I ate a pasta dish last night that had a creamy sauce and it made me sick. While I am a little upset that I apparently can no longer eat this particular dish, I am ecstatic that my stomach has learned to distinguish the good from the bad/ugly. If only my brain would catch up!

Also, I have become super sensitive to caffeinated beverages. I drank one today and have felt for the last few hours like I was about to start bouncing around the room... back to water. Immediately.

Day 4

Wednesday... I haven't posted this week!

Sunday - was sick. didn't walk for fear of said sickness.

Monday. Walked and did well.

Tuesday. Didn't walk :( started a part-time job and had to be up and at 'em waaaayyy to early to consider walking.

And we're at today! Walked and I've done pretty well. Lunch was a turkey sammich and a little pasta salad.

I've discovered a new love. Fruit2O. Zero calories and plenty of electrolytes! Couldn't find it at Wally World, so I got some Crystal Light Pure Fitness instead. 30 calories per serving. not bad at all, but I wish I could have found the other!

Saturday - CHEAT DAY!

So I'm going to talk through a few things here simply because I feel like I get my thoughts out better on paper (albeit the digital kind in this case).

What is so appealing about feeling "full". I eat a huge meal - quickly - and stop only when I feel like I can't move. It's harder to breathe because my stomach is so full. Why is this something that I do to myself on purpose?

Every article that I have looked at has pointed me toward Binge Eating Disorder. 

Yes, I already knew this. Eating in secret. Gorging myself until I felt like I would be sick. And then feeling super guilty after eating...

My name is TreyBo and I'm a Binge Eater.

My new project: learning to eat S.L.O.W.E.R.

I was eating leftover pizza from last night for lunch today and realized that I'd eaten 3 pieces in about 5 minutes. Ridiculous. Completely ridiculous. This stops now.

~*~*~*~*~

Now that I have THAT out of my system... Today is cheat day. And I feel guilty for it. I'd go walk, but it's raining :( I think I'll lift some weights or maybe do some yoga... once my rather large lunch settles.

Day 6

Forgot to write yesterday... Did well all day. Forgot breakfast though. Oops.

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Today

Walked. Of course.

Forgot breakfast. Remembered at mile 0.5.

Lunch: chicken sammich

Snack: C&C

Dinner: Homemade pizza.

dessert... cinnamon apple bread pudding.

~*~*~

I am at 266.5 today. I have made a rule: I will never again see 270. Ever. When I get into the 250s I will promise never to see 260 again, and so forth. See where this is going? It's a good plan, if you ask me.

Day 4

Realized that I hadn't eaten breakfast when I was at about 0.5 miles...

Walked (obviously)

Lunch: chicken wrap

snack: wasn't at home for snack, but ate a little bit of cheese when I got home

Dinner: 3 chicken tacos on corn tortillas

Dessert... yes, I had dessert: cupcake and ice cream.I couldn't resist.

Day 2

Well, after my shame last night. Today is going ok.

Ate small breakfast of cheese and apple juice (no HFCS or sugar added)

Walked. BEAUTIFUL day!

Lunch - Chicken sammich.

Snack will be cheese/crackers

Dinner: TBA. I probably should go to the store.

Day 1 - pm

I did this as a separate post because I don't want it to be related to my success this a.m.

I won't say that I "fell off the wagon", but I have to admit to my shame. It's more like the wagon hit an unexpected bump and I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. Now I've bitten my tongue and am trying to stop thinking about the pain...

At about noon today, it started. I felt like a heroin addict or something. Like the drug was just getting out of my system and the withdrawal was setting in. I needed to eat. To feel ridiculously full to the point that I was uncomfortable. This hasn't happened to me at all in the last few weeks (since I started this project). I used to experience this so often that it felt normal. Meals were a time to make myself uncomfortable. "Too much of a good thing", if you will. It was my way of life. Which easily explains my weight of 276 pounds. Eating disorder? Nah. Just a nasty, nasty habit.

Today, it hit me. I literally sat tapping my foot and waiting for the feeling to pass. I made it a few hours and then had my cheese-n-crackers snack. That helped, but the feeling wasn't gone. I drank a few glasses of water. No change. Then finally, after I've already eaten an early (and healthy) dinner, my sister announces that she's going to Wendy's.

Get your purse. Where are my shoes? Wait for me. I'm coming with you.

Yes, I ate dinner twice. Something that I haven't done in MONTHS.

Now, I'm so full that I'm uncomfortable. I'm gassy. And I probably won't sleep because I also had a caffeinated drink. Lovely.

I want to crawl into a hole. But I won't. I read something the other day that is keeping me from giving up. I read an article about "stopping the binge-eating habit". It said that every day cannot be perfect and, if I have a bad day, I have to put it behind me and do better tomorrow. Such an easy concept, but one that I wouldn't have been able to handle just a few short weeks ago.

This is why I am starting over counting each week. I can start over every week and try again... or "begin again" as my BFF put it :)

Day 1

And so a new week begins...

Breakfast - Vanilla yogurt with granola. I remembered why I don't usually eat yogurt. Too tangy. I'll have to try again with the breakfast ideas.

Walked. It has been a beautiful day! I'll probably end up on the hammock before the day is out.

Lunch: Deli-style chicken breast sandwich with pepperjack cheese. Little bit of mayo and a little (no HFCS) ketchup.

Snack will be my dear friends: wheat thins and cheese

Dinner: will be leftover pasta from Friday night.

Day 6 - Cause for Celebration!

The following absolutely must be in all capital letters: I HAVE LOST 10 POUNDS!

I haven't seen 266 in over a year. I looked down at the scale and said, "WHAT?" I actually stepped off and then stepped back on just to be sure.

I have to admit, I didn't eat breakfast this morning. 1) I forgot to boil eggs last night and 2) I couldn't eat another egg. I'm going to the grocery store today, so I'll do some research before hand to decide what I'm going to be looking for for breakfast.

Lunch: I'm going to eat a sandwich today. I'm not tired of smoothies by any means, but I'm in the mood for something different.

Snack will be my dear friends, wheat thins and laughing cow cheese.

Dinner: TBA

~*~

I walked this morning and saw what I have been looking for every time I go - a snake! Now, having grown up in the back woods of B.F.E., I was pretty sure that it was a "harmless" garter snake, but since I couldn't be sure, I gave it a wide birth. Did I mention that it was only about 8 inches long? Yeah. It was tiny. But still.... As far as I was concerned, it was a deathly poisonous copper-headed water rattler.

Day 5

Breakfast - 2 hard boiled egg whites. I'm starting to get tired of the eggs... I had to tell myself, "it's just fuel. I need fuel to start my day." I may experiment with other breakfasts though.

*walked

Lunch: Smoothie, per usual.

Snack: wheat thins and laughing cow cheese

Dinner: will be the rest of the leftover jambalaya.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The job looks closer and closer every day. I need to figure out a routine for lunches and snacks during the day...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Today I saw a video that my friend made of me the other day (they were playing with my phone and I didn't know I was being video taped) -- 1) motivation, motivation, motivation. and 2) I think I may go to the tanning bed a few times. I am pasty pale - a result of spending the last 2 summers indoors... classes and work, work and classes. I don't want to look like I've been baking in the sun, but I do believe I look thinner with a tan :)

Day 4

Didn't post yesterday. Did walk. Didn't succumb to temptations. All-in-all a good day.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

TODAY

Didn't walk this morning, which felt pretty strange. I had a meeting early this morning and couldn't fathom walking before the sun was completely up. DID, however, eat breakfast. Go me.

 Lunch today wasn't a smoothie, but wasn't too bad. Salad and a baked potato (no butter on the potato, just sour cream).

Snack - 10 wheat thins and 2 wedges of laughing cow cheese.

Was talking to some friends today about my motivating factor - looking forward to a yummy baking project on Saturday. This weekend will bring Martha Stewart's Vanilla cupcake vanilla bean buttercream recipes. I went in search of actual vanilla beans yesterday and found them!

Dinner tonight will be baked pork chops and salad.

Walking will recommence tomorrow!


And... did I mention that we're at 6 pounds lost!