Day 1 - pm

I did this as a separate post because I don't want it to be related to my success this a.m.

I won't say that I "fell off the wagon", but I have to admit to my shame. It's more like the wagon hit an unexpected bump and I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. Now I've bitten my tongue and am trying to stop thinking about the pain...

At about noon today, it started. I felt like a heroin addict or something. Like the drug was just getting out of my system and the withdrawal was setting in. I needed to eat. To feel ridiculously full to the point that I was uncomfortable. This hasn't happened to me at all in the last few weeks (since I started this project). I used to experience this so often that it felt normal. Meals were a time to make myself uncomfortable. "Too much of a good thing", if you will. It was my way of life. Which easily explains my weight of 276 pounds. Eating disorder? Nah. Just a nasty, nasty habit.

Today, it hit me. I literally sat tapping my foot and waiting for the feeling to pass. I made it a few hours and then had my cheese-n-crackers snack. That helped, but the feeling wasn't gone. I drank a few glasses of water. No change. Then finally, after I've already eaten an early (and healthy) dinner, my sister announces that she's going to Wendy's.

Get your purse. Where are my shoes? Wait for me. I'm coming with you.

Yes, I ate dinner twice. Something that I haven't done in MONTHS.

Now, I'm so full that I'm uncomfortable. I'm gassy. And I probably won't sleep because I also had a caffeinated drink. Lovely.

I want to crawl into a hole. But I won't. I read something the other day that is keeping me from giving up. I read an article about "stopping the binge-eating habit". It said that every day cannot be perfect and, if I have a bad day, I have to put it behind me and do better tomorrow. Such an easy concept, but one that I wouldn't have been able to handle just a few short weeks ago.

This is why I am starting over counting each week. I can start over every week and try again... or "begin again" as my BFF put it :)